Paternity: How to Survive a Breakup During Pregnancy and Beyond

Studies reflect an increase in children born to unmarried parents over the past generation. But what happens when expectant parents breakup?  Whatever issues lead to the breakup of your relationship, the expectant parents still have rights and responsibilities to their child that need to be addressed.

The expectant parents will become parents upon the birth of their child so it is important they begin the work during pregnancy of becoming co-parents. This starts with communication. There are a lot of parenting decisions that need to be made before the child is even born – who will deliver the baby; where will the delivery occur; who will be present during delivery; how will you pay for medical expenses? Expectant parents should establish a method of communication that allows for these discussions. They may be in text, email, phone or in person so long as both parties are communicating. If these discussions become tense you may need the assistance of a mutual neutral person. It can be a friend, a family member or in some cases an attorney or mediator.

Caring for a newborn is a daunting task for any new parents but even more challenging if the parents are separated. Expectant parents need to decide among other things: where the child will live, how the parents will share time with the child, who will care for the child if the parents need to return to work or other responsibilities. Hopefully, the parents have discussed parental responsibilities during pregnancy and are ready to engage in co-parenting upon the birth of their child. If not, emotions may dictate the next steps which could lead to a paternity action and litigation in family court.

It is important both parents have the support they need to provide for their new family including the support of their co-parent. If both parents start from the premise that the other parent has the best intentions for the child at heart then transitioning from a hard breakup to a successful co-parenting family is possible. If circumstances prevent co-parenting then it may be time to seek the advice of counsel.